Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Back to the Point?

Now that last post took us afield.

I was going to say far afield, but that is tired. Alliterative, surely, but tired. Must we all go pretty far afield, or somewhat far afield, whenever we venture? No day trips? Nothing like a quick spin?

I was not raised on a farm, so my sense is limited. But for most purposes isn't being afield, pretty much all you gotta be? I suppose you can be more (hence farther) afield at some times than at others, in fact, logically you’d have to be. But I think we overstate just how far we wander and how far we have to wander for it to make much of a difference.

Which brings me to still another annoying distraction. Does one go farther or further afield? Farther in the actual field, but further in the metaphor? And if so, when do we abandon the one and embrace the other?

I imagine that if you wander too far afield you end up out on a wide range. I also imagine that there really are wide ranges. I think I have flown over them. But I just don't think they are all so damn wide - nor should they be. If the range, unenhanced, is so wide that the deer and the antelope lay there, then it's plenty wide for me. Throw in the near absence of discouraging words and the perpetually blue skies, and I'd say Don't you widen it a god-damned inch!

I know that folks from the Rite Aid, that offers a "wide range of beauty products" and every consultant who offers "a wide range of communications strategies" will be disappointed (not sorely, just -- well you are getting the point here) but let's just hold off for now.

We will wander afield but keep to the regular range for now. And don't disturb the deer or the antelope.

Be back soon.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Will Work for Food

Or maybe just for the chance to grow as a person.

I am seeking a position where my demonstrated capabilities at utilizing state-of-the art communications technologies to effectively dialogue with key influencers on time-sensitive mission-critical challenges in a highly-competitive environment enable me to produce profitable outcomes that are consistent with the company mission, promote its brand and reinforce its commitment to diversity and involvement as a good corporate citizen. As a "people person" I am confident that I can liaison with all critical audiences, efficiently delegate responsibility and track progress across functions and disciplines throughout the enterprise.

And world peace.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

You Can't Be Twenty

No dear brethren, you can't be twenty on Sugar Mountain.

Ask my good friend Neil, here. Despite what has been said, he does not look like my burnout uncle who always used to offer to take the children fishing, "just like your grampa use to take me and your dad, back when your dad had a pair - course that was before he married your mom!" (Why you need "a pair" to go fishing we could never figure out. And we were too scared to ask him. The one time we asked him about his chest hair, he ended up starting a small fire in the dining room showing us a trick he learned back in the day.)

But the point is, Iam sure there are reasons aplenty to be wary of anybody addressing his brethren. Collegues, I can handle. Even fellows. I am pretty sure that my friend Neil says folks, and that's OK with me too. He's green and Canadian and likes dogs and sings about old men and pretty girls and dead junkies and stuff, so he's cool. But who exactly thinks they have brethren? Children, maybe, but brethren?

Not me, buddy!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I've Been Mulling Aplenty

Now there's one for you: aplenty.

Watch out for the person who uses the word aplenty. He is trying to be cute -- too cute if you ask me. A round, bald-headed man with a gray beard, a loose-fitting blouse and cheeks that are too-healty-pink, speading his arms in a jovial, ceremonial gesture while he leads you to his dinner table as if he were welcoming you to a damn Rennaissance Fayre. Arching his back and casting his eyes intently toward the ceiling. "I bid you welcome to our feast. We have meat and bread and wine aplenty! Pray, sit with us and partake."

He is quick to ask that you not feed his Shi-tzu from the table, despite the begging; lamb is not good for her. The music from Masterpiece Theatre, the only vaguely ceremonial-sounding track he owns, is playing too loudly. There are no forks on the table. "Are not your hands clean enough?"

No, ixnay aplenty.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Five Matters of Imminent Concern

First things first. Let's clear the air. Get a few things straight. Set the ground rules. Define our terms. Outline the paramenters of our focus. Get this started on the right foot. Kick this off right. Clarify some of our expections. Set some clear priorites. Pause to consider.

That's it! Let us pause to consider.

There are matters of imminent concern that should give us all pause to consider. Here are five of them:

  • Aplenty
  • Bretheren
  • Beg the question
  • Discusion revolving around
  • Festoon

Just mull that all over for now. Later we will consider other paws.